The time to hesitate is through

I'm listening to The Doors, can you tell? As the date for the IVF cycle approaches I am surprisingly calm. I don't know how this will go but I am hoping that it all goes ok. I am hoping that I remain this calm. I hope there are enough follicules. I hope enough fertilise. I hope this finally gives us a child.

I can see our children sometimes. I can imagine a lanky ten year old leaning against me as I sit at my aunt's dining room table, just because he's bored (and yes, I know boys don't do this but it's my daydream). I imagine his slightly bolshy sister downstairs in her bedroom shouting at her younger brother because A SHOP KEEPER IS NOT SUPPOSED TO PLAY CARS! I can see a little bemused toddler with food all over her face from lunch sitting on the floor and watching this scene, and I can hear my aunt looking frazzled and saying, "Carlynn, shouldn't you go down there?" I know, I know, four kids. Where did I come up with that? I don't know. It's just the scene I imagined. Maybe it's because after all this time I don't know how many children will fill this need that drives me on. I wonder if we have one child from this surrogacy if I will always want another child and if somehow I will pass this feeling of not being enough on to my only child? I wonder if I have two if I will always long for more. And I wonder if somehow we did have four kids, how would H manage? Four kids is a lot of money, and H takes his responsibilities seriously. Not to mention his love of plush hotels and nice restaurants! As you can see, despite myself I am taking this daydream seriously. It sure beats worrying about the number of embryos.

If suddenly today you could have as many children as your heart desired (physical limits and money aside), how many do you think you would like?

Comments

[Becky]

I honestly have no idea.

I'm saying a prayer for your cycle.

[Leah]

Two. I am afraid of the situation when the kids outnumber the parents!

I came from a family of 4 kids and it was wonderful, sweet chaos. But I would be completely fulfulled with 2 children (and, luckily, my husband agrees).

[Kami]

I would have at least two. I used to tell myself I would stop at two - zero population growth and all of that, but then I dared dream of successful IVF cycles AND extra embryos and thought, "Maybe 3 or 4 would be ok."

Still, I will consider myself luck beyond measure to have two.

[luna]

wishing you all the best for you new cycle. I really hope you have wonderful success and a healthy happy pregnancy this time around. too much loss...

we've always wanted two children, but right now I'd be over the moon with just one, and trying to figure out how I might have to live with none.... ~luna

[Geohde]

Three, I think, if only to experience a less risky pregnancy next time around,

J

[Pamela Jeanne]

For some reason two always seemed to feel right, but since our first IVF involved three great looking embryos I was prepared for triplets.

Wishing you all the best on this round -- would love to see your daydreams come true.

[Kyddryn]

Two. In a perfect world, one of each.

I'm hoping for you.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

[Bean]

4. I always wanted a big family. But then I also wanted to start alot earlier.