Faith

The only thing that keeps me going is faith. It's not something I talk about much because I don't feel very comfortable talking about it but I do believe that God is there and wants the best for me. I don't understand a lot of what happens, I get angry with Him and don't speak to Him for days and feel betrayed and abandoned but when I pray I feel something stopping me from hitting rock bottom, something keeping my legs from collapsing and holding me up. The only thing that keeps me going with this baby thing is a belief in something that I read by Julia Cameron, of The Artist's Way fame; that our dreams are possibly God's dreams for us too.

 

It's a private belief and so I don't write about it or talk about it much. It's also wacky and possibly delusional and maybe I will have to re-think or edit it this year. I also think everyone has their own version of spirituality and I don't believe that my way is the only way or the best way. I think faith is something extremely personal. What works for me and has meaning for me possibly won't work for someone else. I know that my mother sends me readings she finds very meaningful and I often find them either irritating or kitchy. For me faith in God has been important, it has helped and I don't think I would be doing as well as I am without a greater force I call God.

 

This should now guarantee that I will spend the weekend in the depths of despair on the kitchen floor, rising only to scream at H and spend hours sobbing in the bathroom as I contemplate a) divorce, b) moving to the Russian steppes where no-one knows me and c) a completely new life somewhere, anywhere but here. Whenever I write about how well I am doing or how well I am getting on with H it seems to invite the very opposite into my life. I wonder if this happens to other bloggers ...

Comments

[geohde]

Oh, I get along with LS best when we have just lost a baby and worst when we have living ones.

True.

g