This is my story, my struggle to have a child, my struggle to figure out why it hurts so much to fail at this. Why can't I just move on and concentrate on something else?

We started trying to fall pregnant at the beginning of 2003. After a year with no results I went to see a doctor specialised in fertility problems who diagnosed lack of cervical mucous. I moved on to a RE. A routine blood test showed I had developed diabetes and I had to get that under control. Four months later we started at the classical beginning point: insemination. We did an insemination with a a natural cycle. Nothing. A cycle with injection when I seemd to have ovulated a day too soon but we did the insemination anyway. Nothing. Cycle three was a natural cycle. Nothing. Cycle four with injections. First beta: low. Second beta: good. Three months: fine. Four months: baby developing normally. Then at 19 weeks I lost the amniotique fluid and a week later the baby.

Now we are at the very beginning of IUI No. 5 and after years of reading Julie's Long List of Blogs, I have decided to join. As a wannabe writer, it's about time.