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January 21, 2008



I haven't worked since I had Ava, but even before then work for me was something I had to get up and do every day. I only had 2 jobs out of college, neither of them which I like in the least bit. I was always envious of people who actually enjoyed getting up and going to work. I wanted to find a job like that, but was never able to. I think having a job that you love, or even like for that matter can have a profound effect on your overall attitude. Hopefully you will find a good balance soon :-)


No, I don't have a job I love. I am at the office 40 hours a week to do a 20-hour-a-week job. What do I do with the rest of my time? Think about my life. That's what sucked so much when I lost Zach--I had been planning to quit once I had him. Then, all of a sudden, that plan changed.

Sorry I can't provide any answers, just more questions...

Pamela Jeanne

Well, I wouldn't say I love what occupies me at the office on most days, but I do get opportunities from time to time to immerse myself in something that allows me an escape into a project that offers some meaning. My position was a godsend when I was in the throes of treatment if only because it was my safe place away from watching the calendar tick slowly by. Now as I realize that my life will proceed without motherhood, I'm working harder at figuring at how to find more satisfaction not only through work but other activities as well. My caveat, as always, is that it's taken me a while to arrive at this point, but it's trending in the right direction. I wish the same for you, my friend but don't put too much pressure on yourself, it will come ...

My Reality

I kind of hate my job, so I am no help here. I am glad that going back hasn't been too bad.


I have a pretty sucky job that should be part time with one person doing it and they added staff! (So they wouldn't have to get rid of people, I think.) My job can be done in 10 hours but I have to spend 40 hours a week there.

I find zero satisfaction in my job - but, for sanity's sake, I need the money. (DH and I don't, I do.)

My job only allows me time to ruminate on how my plans have failed :-(


I like my job sometimes - it can feel fun and buzzy. Other times it just feels very stressful.

I've noticed I'm not nearly as good at dealing with stress as I used to be and I've been thinking about trying to find something more chilled.

It's good money though, and nice people so I'm not sure I should move.

I think having something you are absorbed in certainly helps but however absorbed you are, you still think about things.

For what it's worth, I felt all the feelings of wishing I wasn't here, still do to a certain extent.

Good to hear from you though.x


My job is "interesting" (at least to other people), and, so, pretty much, it's fine. I *was* able to bury myself in work for a long, long time. And that did help a lot.


I love my babies I work with and what I do for them but I hate my job overall. (Makes no sense, right?) Politics and shiftwork aren't my friends. My work sucks up huge amounts of my life but it doesn't make IF any easier. I suppose doing what I do I can only expect it to make it worse. I'm sorry you are back at work. :(


I like my job pretty much, but I haven't been working for the last year (a planned hiatus). It is easy for me to become totally preoccupied by what I do, and forget about everything for a little while. I took the hiatus, because after the twins died, I worked so compulsively, I didn't think and/or deal with their loss very well. Or at all.

So...I was actually thinking that a quieter job might be better for me at the moment. But that's just me.


after my first daughter was stillborn i went back to a job i loved with coworkers who were pretty good overall as colleagues. for the first two weeks i cried in my office every day.

after my second stillbirth (third daughter) i went back to a job that does not fulfill me with coworkers who are nothing like me. i don't cry in my office. but i don't like being there.

it seems to me that work, whether you love it or hate it, is just one more thing you have to learn to do as the mother of a dead baby. and nothing we have to learn to do, in that context, is easy.

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